we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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