This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
