Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.

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(330): View more from Ohio

if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.

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(831): View more from California

I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!

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(919): View more from North Carolina

where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!

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(303): View more from Colorado

Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms

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