If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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