The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
