Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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