My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
