1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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