My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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