Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
