Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You're breaking my sexual little heart
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
