I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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