If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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