The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
