just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
