took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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