woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize