You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
