He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
