Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
