cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
