what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
