Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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