Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
