We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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