omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
