So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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