Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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