planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Houston, we have a squirter
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
