I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
