only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
