I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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