im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
