You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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