So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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