i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
