I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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