do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
