last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
