you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
