As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
