Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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