I hope mine doesn't look like that
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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