make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
