I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
