I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
