he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Randomize
