haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
