Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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