Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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