Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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