I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
