Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
