doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
