i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
