end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
