I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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