I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
