I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
