i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm gonna fight the coyote
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
