Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
