I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When did angry sex become our thing?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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