So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it's like iHOP with fire
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize