I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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