In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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