The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
