Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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