definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
