I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize