the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
