Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
